The average married couple might not know much about personal boundaries, but this is a term with which you'll quickly become acquainted with going to a marriage counselor. Boundary issues can often lead to conflicts in relationships — when your partner invades your boundaries, you may begin to resent him or her, as well as feel a little frustrated with yourself. Simply put, a boundary in a relationship is a line that you set about your personal comfort level regarding any topic. Here are some examples that demonstrate you need to make improvements in this area.
1. You Seldom Get Alone Time
If you're someone who appreciates alone time, you can begin to feel agitated when you don't get it. Whether you want to have a glass of wine and soak in the bathtub for an hour or watch a sporting event on TV without being interrupted, it can be frustrating when you allow your spouse to get in the way of your enjoyment of these activities. It's easy to blame your spouse — for example, you may lash out and complain that he or she came into the bathroom while you were relaxing. However, unless you were specifically clear that you wanted to be alone for the entirety of the bath, you aren't showing a true boundary.
2. You Feel Compelled To Agree
While some spouses pride themselves on having the same viewpoints as each other, this isn't always the case — nor is it necessarily a sign of a healthy relationship. Whether it's parenting styles, politics, or something in between, you don't necessarily have to agree with your spouse. However, you may notice that you feel compelled to take his or her side, or that you frequently back away from the statements that you make. This can be a sign of weak boundaries in this area, as you're not confident enough to say, "This is what I believe, and you arguing with me won't change my mind."
3. You Aren't Yourself During Sex
Many couples find that a lack of boundaries can appear in the bedroom. One partner who enjoys one type of approach to sex may have a dominant personality, and this can compel the other to go along with it — even if this isn't his or her honest preference. For example, a partner who favors slower sexual intercourse may find that he or she is performing quickly to satisfy the partner, given the partner's preference in this matter. The former partner should be able to set a clear boundary that indicates where his or her comfort levels lie. Should you feel the need to improve your boundaries, marriage counseling can help.
Contact a company like Can't We Just Get Along Counselling Inc. for more information and assistance.
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